Here’s a tip kids, don’t sue the company that holds the film rights to a movie that you really want to do. Peter Jackson sued New Line Cinema because he wanted more money out of the profits for the Lord of the Rings, but apparently didn’t make any connection between that and being able to direct the Hobbit.
Personally, I’m overjoyed. Peter Jackson has wasted enough of my life with his horrible movies. After King Kong, he is cemented in my mind as one of the worst directors making major movies today. I would say “worst”, but surely there is someone out there below him. I just can’t think of any through my blind rage as I am reminded of the Lord of the Rings movies.
Now all you nerds out there may want to defend him and say that the movies were really good, so I am going to list my grievances with the films and Peter Jackson.
Top 10 Grievances with Peter Jackson (not including LotR)
- Meet the Feebles
- For making two thirds of King Kong in slow motion.
- Making the slow motion in King Kong the retarded blurry strobe kind. Where did you learn to do that? The Patriot?
- For stealing half of my soul and eating it as I watched Meet the Feebles.
- Fran Walsh’s squid hair.
- For making only two morally redeemable characters in Meet the Feebles and making one of them get raped
- Bad Taste
- For the song about sodomy in Meet the Feebles that ends with 100 gallons of projectile vomiting.
- The Frighteners
- Meet The Feebles (I know I said that one already, but it bears repeating)
Top 10 Grievances with The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
- The scene on Weathertop where he undermined the scariness of the Nazgul. Any jerk with a cigarette lighter would be able to scare them off because apparently Nazgul are the most flammable substance known to man.
- Every scene with Gimli
- The Sauron Search Lightâ„¢
- Completely ruining Faramir (hey, that’s a good band name)
- The waterfall of skulls in the extended Return of the King
- For building up the battle between Gandolf and the Nazgul King and then ending it after two seconds
- Repeatedly using the term “man-flesh”. In context: “I smell man-flesh!”
- Making Arwen as unappealing as possible, due partly to casting Liv Tyler
- Legolas’ shield surfing
- Making me think of Army of Darkness so often and reminding me how that movie used many of the same techniques, but was entertaining and short
3 Comments
I agree totally. Some more:
1) He messed with Elrond’s character too much. Apparently he was opposed to Aragorn and had zero faith in him, according to Jackson, even though he actually raised him and knew his fate the entire time. I didn’t like how they reforged the sword later in the story, when Aragorn was encamped with the Rohirrim, as if it were only then Elrond decided that Aragorn had what it takes. And of course it was Arwen who convinced her father of this. Stupid she-elf, always hornin’ for man-flesh.
2) Legolas’ bizarre backwards flip onto the horse.
3) Legolas stating the obvious, usually as if he was making a profound statement: “A diversion!” Kind of like Robin. “A ballpoint banana!”
Batman: “Precisely, Robin!”
4) The scene were Aragorn falls off the cliff.
5) Frodo’s photsoshop cloud when he is awaking in Rivendell in the Fellowship.
6) The reluctance of the Men of the Mountains to follow Aragorn. That was what they were waiting for two thousand years! To be able to be released from their curse by fighting for the returning King of Gondor.
7) In the movie, everyone’s horses bolted at the sight of the Door of the Dead. I liked the idea in the book that such great love did the beasts bear for their masters, and so powerful was the will of Aragorn, that they submitted to their masters and allowed themselves to be led into that dark place. Also, 30 Dunedain and Elrond’s two sons were there.
I guess the treatment of the Paths of the Dead really bugged me.
I know that I watched Meet the Feebles, but I don’t actually remember much about the movie itself. I just remember about two hours worth of yelling at the TV and wanting to inflict pain on Peter Jackson.
“For making only two morally redeemable characters in Meet the Feebles and making one of them get raped”
hahahahah
ok, sweet grandma, peter jackson really sucks, but don’t you realized that you wasted your time watching a film that you would never like? what were you looking for? the women league of morality and decency?
turn on the tv. i’m quite sure you’d like ophra’s…
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